The world has its ways to quiet us down.

I'm pretty sure I will never fully be content.

Is anyone ever fully content?

There will always be something that could use improving, or maybe some piece that just doesn't fit right or is missing altogether. This isn't the same as never being happy - I am happy, for sure. The things that make me happy are present in a very obvious way. I'm actually perfectly fine with not being content. It's just there - like freckles.

Wait.

Maybe it's just temporary. Maybe I'm slowly getting closer to what I want or need from life (I couldn't say what this is - I don't know yet.) and I haven't a clue of the inches or feet I have surpassed without moving a muscle.

I analyze. That's what I do. Feelings, words, actions, pictures, music. People. It amuses me when people just assume that this is a negative thing. It's one of those things that you think nobody else can understand, then you realize that you probably aren't as mysterious as you think you are. Silly human.

Circles, circles, circles. Ha!

Friday Finds!

My days seem to be running together a lot lately. Phew! Let's just start out with Thursday, since that's as far back as I can remember right now. 

Thursday, my awesome mom was feeling pukey (literally. Gross.), so I did a couple of things around the house while she snoozed her 24 hr bug off. Then I was routinely kidnapped by the boyfriend (the ever talented, Ben.), which consists of him calling me and creepily demanding me to get in the car while he waits outside. If you knew him, this wouldn't shock you at all. This was, however, the first thing he physically said to me outside of his workplace the first time we ever hung out. 

Yeah. Anyways. 

We headed over to his previously mentioned workplace, tormented his co-workers a little, and he ended up buying a nerf shotgun, as well as a "leather" (which is cheap plastic) satchel full of refills that clips onto your belt. 

For those of you wondering, he's 20. 

So, we decided to find a friend of ours and open a little friendly drive-by fire. We were highly successful, and the rest of the night consisted of the three of us eating Mexican food and driving down busy campus streets while yelling at random people. It's really awkward when one of those people turns out to be someone you were pretty good friends with when you were 10 and were re-united by way of your boyfriend yelling at them while at a red light. 

TODAY! FRIDAY! OH YES. This is how this gem of a day went down:

7 am waking up in the morning, gotta be fresh, gotta get downstai - oh. Umm. 

Ben and I had pizza for breakfast and watched stupid Youtube videos. Pretty regular day so far. Then my not so pukey (yay!) Mom drove me to the library where I volunteer on Tuesdays and Fridays so she could pick out some balloons for a friends birthday. It went super quickly. We delivered the unhappy Birthday Boy his balloons. Black balloons, cause he's a party pooper. He'll get over it :) 

THEN SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED. We figured since we were by this awesome thrift store called Daisies and Olives, which we hadn't been to in years, we'd pop in and see what we could find. First off, the instant you walk through the door, you can smell the lovely handmade goats milk soap from one of the vendors. 

Secondly, this place is huge - 9,000 square feet of vintage goodness. 

Um. Yes.

I found a pretty sweet army hat and this thing of beauty below. Are you ready for this? ARE YOU?

I almost died. I literally saw it and gasped for life. I knew it had to be mine. 

Adorable cirlcles-making-circles pattern! GAH!

I was not expecting to walk away with this gorgeous 50s swimsuit today, but by George, I did. Isn't it perfect? I don't think I can get rid of it. Ever. 

We are love.

Love is nuts. Lemme just start out by saying that.

Okay. This is something that I have been thinking about a LOT lately, so I figured I would share my thoughts with the world! Isn't that what everyone wants to do when they've been thinking about something for a long time? ;) Seriously, though...is it really? Huh..

I have come to the conclusion that love is that thing inside of me that makes me move. It is a shapeshifter; one minute a floating feather, gently guiding me through the day. Then without warning, it turns into a fire breathing dragon that takes over my body with a fierceness the likes of which nothing can compare. Maybe a better word for the twisting dragon is passion. You can't have passion without love, right? What's the difference? Yes, we'll go with passion. Love is the fuel for passion, which makes me move. Voila!

Dragon! (Rawr)

Love also scares the shit out of me. Mostly because it's something that controls every bit of you, without your consent. A very important best friend-person in my life gave me some advice, actually referring to starting this blog. It went a little something like this:

"Jessica, there are a million reasons not to do something."

Ever since she slammed those words into my face, I have thought of them in a few different situations. And it works for every single one of them. Which is super freaky and awesome all at the same time. Sometimes you have to just push the "No's" and "But's" off of a cliff and run in the opposite direction. Allowing yourself to put your trust into whatever or whomever you love is a shot in the dark, but it's love. It doesn't necessarily care what your brain wants.

Sometimes I look at my ever growing piles of clothing and try to hate them. I glare and tell them that they cannot live here anymore and that I will send them away. But, I love clothing and fashion. I love being able to express myself through what goes onto my body everyday. No matter how much I try to hate it, I just can't. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with wanting to be an online vintage seller and think that I want to just give up, but the dragon won't allow it. And I'm thankful; because in the end it's all worth it because it makes me happy.

Going through a pile of vintage clothing to sell on Etsy.

And then there are people. Some people you are born to love, because they love (or should, otherwise, they're probably assholes) you. Parents, siblings, family, etc. Then there are the people who appear out of the blue and somehow you just know that you will do anything possible to keep them in your life. It may not be in the capacity of which you would like, but they will be there. You love them for who they are, no matter what. Is that not scary?

 Um. Yes. It is.

But what can you do other than take a deep breath and let the dragon take you on some of the best rides of your life?

There are a million reasons not to do something...

This is a true and unfinished story about an 18 year old woman-child. They say you can tell a lot about a woman by the contents of her purse. I usually don't carry a purse if I can help it, so we'll settle for the contents of my bedroom.

How very scary.

I am currently sitting on a pretty comfortable mattress, for it's age. Unfortunately, this mattress is resting on the noisiest bed frame in existence. Surrounding this creaky bed is an old bedside table that has been stained by the many cups of water I have brought to bed over the years, a lovely Baldwin piano that made it's way into the ever shrinking room a few months ago, three Rubbermaid style chests of drawers bursting open by way of clothing (the majority of which are vintage or second hand), scarves, handmade hats, ribbons and strips of unused tulle. The floor hardly sees the light of day. Shoes and spilled cat food are the current culprits. The mattress itself doubles as a clothing organizer/sleepy kitty holder/crochet project area during the daylight hours. The towel that I use after my every-other-day showers lives on one of the posts at the foot of the bed. Bits of hair rest on the floor in front of my full length mirror from where I last trimmed my bangs.

I wonder how other people will perceive me from the inhabitants of my room...

"This chick has a serious case of ADD."

"Ha. Typical teenager."

"Hoarder?"

"What an eclectic young lady!"

"Gross. Who doesn't take showers everyday?!"

Someday soon, it will get to me enough that I will REALLY clean it, as opposed to just moving the stuff on the floor to a higher surface...truth is, I would usually rather be passionately wandering and exploring this unsolvable puzzle they call life. :)